Changing me

You know, I sit back and I think about blogging.  Blogging from the heart is actually a difficult thing for me to do sometimes.  I think, "Well, this story is already all over the web, I won't be saying anything new."  Or, in this instance, I think, "People can only handle so much grief.  Can anyone read anything more about Haiti?"

I am determined, however, to do my best to be as real as I can, to blog from the heart whether in joy or in sorrow.

And I want to tell you that my heart is just desperately broken over Haiti.  Why now?  Why this tragedy?  Why not Sudan, or Myanmar, or a thousand previous tragedies?

I don't know.  I have been heartbroken in the past, for sure.  I think more than anything God has been working in my heart over the past few years, warming it until it is waking up and becoming fully functional.

I think that coming home to live near my parents has, in some ways, required that I deal with many things that have to do with how I was raised.  Be strong, be firm, be logical, not emotional.  Those are the easy things to deal with.  There are many things that I won't talk about now, that fed into a harsh and judgemental way of looking at the world. 

I am dealing with those things, and I must say that I have changed a lot.  God has crumbled a few of my very favorite idols, idols that I equated with my faith. Among these idols were politics, politicians, patriotism, right behavior, and in some cases, religion or theology.  I did not let them go easily - they gave me a strong sense of identity, of security.  There is a lot of security in being sure that you are right.  I enjoyed my idols, a lot.

I am not saying that politics, politicians, patriotism, right behavior, religion or theology are always idols.  I don't think that they are, so please don't feel that I am pointing fingers at anyone.  I am telling my story, and that is all.  I only know how God has dealt with me.  If you really know me in real life, you will recognize that this has been a huge change.  Sometimes when you have been taught to be tough, it is very hard to be tender, but I am trying.

As those idols have been swept aside, I feel as if God has slowly been waking me up.  I am awakening to see mistaken priorities, along with lost time and resources, and I grieve this. 

I have changed; the Lord is continuing to change me.  There was a time I would not watch the difficult coverage online or on television.  It was overwhelming to see such pain and know that I couldn't do anything, or at least not very much to change the situation.  I would turn the channel, sad, but unwilling to "go there."

Not any more.  I will "go there."  I will watch, I will pray, I will find more ways to give to people in need.  It really doesn't feel very good to eat richly when people are actually starving.  I will "go there" emotionally, holding their hands via prayer as they suffer.  If we are called to share each other's burdens - and we are - then this is something I must gladly do.  I think this willingness to share  - to pray for another's provision and blessing and healing - I think this is what God wants from us.  I think He wants to change us all. 


Here is an article and a video that I want to share with you:


Perspective - from my friend April.  She tells how God is changing her and her family through this tragedy.

And below, a video from Danita's Children, with a haunting and beautiful song called "This is an Emergency."