You know, I sit back and I think about blogging. Blogging from the heart is actually a difficult thing for me to do sometimes. I think, "Well, this story is already all over the web, I won't be saying anything new." Or, in this instance, I think, "People can only handle so much grief. Can anyone read anything more about Haiti?"
I am determined, however, to do my best to be as real as I can, to blog from the heart whether in joy or in sorrow.
And I want to tell you that my heart is just desperately broken over Haiti. Why now? Why this tragedy? Why not Sudan, or Myanmar, or a thousand previous tragedies?
I don't know. I have been heartbroken in the past, for sure. I think more than anything God has been working in my heart over the past few years, warming it until it is waking up and becoming fully functional.
I think that coming home to live near my parents has, in some ways, required that I deal with many things that have to do with how I was raised. Be strong, be firm, be logical, not emotional. Those are the easy things to deal with. There are many things that I won't talk about now, that fed into a harsh and judgemental way of looking at the world.
I am dealing with those things, and I must say that I have changed a lot. God has crumbled a few of my very favorite idols, idols that I equated with my faith. Among these idols were politics, politicians, patriotism, right behavior, and in some cases, religion or theology. I did not let them go easily - they gave me a strong sense of identity, of security. There is a lot of security in being sure that you are right. I enjoyed my idols, a lot.
I am not saying that politics, politicians, patriotism, right behavior, religion or theology are always idols. I don't think that they are, so please don't feel that I am pointing fingers at anyone. I am telling my story, and that is all. I only know how God has dealt with me. If you really know me in real life, you will recognize that this has been a huge change. Sometimes when you have been taught to be tough, it is very hard to be tender, but I am trying.
As those idols have been swept aside, I feel as if God has slowly been waking me up. I am awakening to see mistaken priorities, along with lost time and resources, and I grieve this.
I have changed; the Lord is continuing to change me. There was a time I would not watch the difficult coverage online or on television. It was overwhelming to see such pain and know that I couldn't do anything, or at least not very much to change the situation. I would turn the channel, sad, but unwilling to "go there."
Not any more. I will "go there." I will watch, I will pray, I will find more ways to give to people in need. It really doesn't feel very good to eat richly when people are actually starving. I will "go there" emotionally, holding their hands via prayer as they suffer. If we are called to share each other's burdens - and we are - then this is something I must gladly do. I think this willingness to share - to pray for another's provision and blessing and healing - I think this is what God wants from us. I think He wants to change us all.
Here is an article and a video that I want to share with you:
Perspective - from my friend April. She tells how God is changing her and her family through this tragedy.
And below, a video from Danita's Children, with a haunting and beautiful song called "This is an Emergency."