Parked

Hello everyone,

I am going to be parking this blog for awhile.  I'm specifically NOT shutting down, just putting it in the parking garage for awhile.  I may take it out for a Sunday drive once a month or so (for family updates and pictures,) but mostly it is going to simply sit and rest.  :)  I'm sure I'll be back at some point.

As for the series of posts on Raising Confident Sons, I know....I know.  You should know by now that if I say I will do twenty posts, I will do six.  :)  If it is a thing essential to daily life, it will get done.  If it is an extra thing, it will take twice as long and may never be fully accomplished.  It's sorta like home-remodeling.


Our family is doing very well.  We're just busy.  This is my son Nick's last semester of high school before graduation and before he leaves for college in the fall.  I am teaching my daughter Emily to drive a vehicle in anticipation that she will have her license by summer.  I continue to homeschool six children, the four year old is very active, and the baby is learning to climb and get into things.  The things that make for great blog fodder also make for a busy mom.  :)

I'll see you around....

Holly

Identity

It is very popular online to choose a word or a theme for the new year.

I think that I will join in.  :)

My word for 2012 - the word that the Lord seems to be impressing upon my heart as personally important, is IDENTITY.

The forties are proving to be an interesting decade.  I like them.  (I certainly like them better than the alternative.)  Of course there are things I don't like about being over forty years of age, but mostly, it is a satisfying stage of life.  I'm sure you've heard it before, but it truly does feel as if you begin to fit into your own self.  You start to define what is really "you," as opposed to what you've picked up from others.  You begin to drop burdens that weren't yours to carry all long; but to pick up others that were.  Your responsibilities fit.

To that end, "Identity."

I have struggled throughout my life to know who I am.  I've pulled my security and station from family (husband and children, brothers and sisters, parents) or from church, or theology, or shakily enough, from friends.

This is natural, I think, particularly for a stay-at-home mother.  It is wrong, though, and I've likely been one of the most insecure people you've ever met - and that is because I was drawing my security from the wrong source.

We are each supposed to be who we were fully meant to be through Christ.  We are to identify with Him, first.

I am not a wife first, I am a Christian.
I am not a mother first, I am a Christian.
I am not an American first, I am a Christian.
I am not a daughter or sister first, I am a Christian.

If I am a Christ-follower first, and I find my confidence and security in my relationship with God through the gift of Jesus Christ, then I will not label myself nor become discouraged and defeated with myself when I struggle or fail in any of my human relationships.  I will realize that my worth does not come from these relationships (as precious as they are....) but that thru Christ I have the promise of renewal and redemption and forgiveness and hope that I can begin again and the Holy Spirit lives in me to help me in my weaknesses.

When I seek to find and establish my identity in Christ, my relationships will naturally be blessed by the overflow.  I will be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, sister, and citizen. 

But Christ is first - over everything.

If you pray for me in 2012, this is a good place to begin - that I might know Him better and find my IDENTITY in Him.  Is there a word or a way that I might pray for you? 

Handmade Christmas Items (Maybe you'll find some ideas for next year?)

So here we are on the last day of the year!  I thought that while I sort thru and respond to our stack of Christmas letters, I could upload some pictures of things I made for the kids for Christmas.  It is obvious that my skill as a photographer has a lot of room for growth - but don't worry.  I've already added that to my hopes and plans for 2012.  :)

It was a pillowpalooza year.  I have an inordinate amount of felt, and "felt" that I could surely come up with a way to give a  gift to each child that represented their individuality.  I don't have pictures of each pillow - mostly because I'm too lazy to run all over the house - but here's a sampling at least.  Sam will forever and always be our "monkey boy."  Not only does he love monkeys, he seems part monkey with his climbing and acrobatic skills.

Ben is our animal lover, especially puppies and kitties.  He has also coveted these buttons from my button jar for a long, long time.  They are rain-bow hued in concentric circles.

And maybe this Princess looks a little creepy, but Mariam likes it.  :)  I did them all free-hand without patterns, so sometimes that turned out okay and sometimes that turned out scary.  :)

This one for Josiah is self-explanatory.  :)

This is Emily's pillow - I made a very similar one for Julia.  I took the fabric from a "former" dress they both had worn when they were ten years of age - it was a cute little yellow seersucker fabric.  Memories.  :)  I made a LOT of these pillows, not just for the kids.  For my brother and father, I used red plaid and grey micro-dotted cotton.  I neglected to get pictures of all of the other pillows before they left our house.  Directions for these pillows are here.  They're super easy and fun to make.

And that reminds me.  If you want to follow me on Pinterest, you can do so here!  It's the most fun ever.

 Rosie got a new sister.  She is yet-to-be-named.  Rosie's sister is wearing Rosie's new dress.  (Just like a sister, isn't it?)

And I was reminded just how fun it is to make dolly dresses.  This was made with fabric from another one of the girls' outgrown skirts.  I keep special/favorite clothing around from the children, planning to make memory-type items for them someday.  It is nice when that actually works out.  :) 

We have plans to make several more doll outfits this coming year.  For a 3 or 4 year old, I like to sew on the little velcro circles rather than buttons.  (That's mostly because I don't like making button holes.  :)  I have used the same basic pattern for years now - it's McCall's 9066 - because it is easy.  It's likely out of print, but there are internet sites where you can find old patterns.  I am also making Barbie some FABULOUS evening dresses from the girls former (and worn-out) velvet dresses.  I found an easy pattern from the Simplicity Archives (but available at Joanns or Walmart) number 5785.  I have often been intimidated by Barbie sewing, but found this pattern to be enjoyable.

And finally, our solution to doll clothing storage.  Like most little girls, I found that Mariam tended to throw her doll clothes into a basket or bag - then she ended up not using a lot of it.  So, I found some doll-clothes hangers on Amazon.  They are the kind made for 18" dolls and are super sturdy, came in a pack of 12 for $6.  I'd like to link to them, but Amazon is still freezing up on me.  We hang them on the end of Mariam's bunk bed to make a little closet of sorts.  :)

Thanks for letting me share some of the projects that have kept me busy over the last month.  They were all fun to make; but I'm ready to start some new knitting projects.  I'm also hoping for some reading time.  :)

God bless you all.  We wish you a peaceful 2012.

2011 Pictures

I thought you might like to see current photos of all of our children - current as of September, at least.  :)  We did not get a "group shot" this year - it's way too difficult to get everyone home, dressed nicely, and to have cooperative weather all at the same time.  This was the best we could do....and I'm pretty sure that grandparents are glad we finally updated pictures on their walls.  :)  Here they are, oldest to youngest:

Jacob

Age 19

Nicholas

Age 17

Emily

Age 16

Julia

Age 13

Josiah

Age 9

Samuel

Age 7

Benjamin

Age 5

Mariam

Age 4

Gabriel

Age 14 months.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone.  We've had a busy few days here, celebrating and enjoying being with relatives.  So much good, so much life, so much fulness. 

If you have given me even a moment of your time this year, I thank you.  You honor me with your presence, and in this vast, vast land of web addresses - it means a lot that you chose to spend a little time at mine.

Many, many good wishes from our home to yours - wherever that may be.  We are looking forward to a good year - for us, and for you. 

God bless you friends, and God be with you.

He always is....

Emmanuel.

Things

My daughter broke the flower candlestick while cleaning the kitchen for soon coming company.

I found her huddled over the countertop, holding thick chunks of blue glass and Elmer's glue.

"I broke it, Mommy," she wept.

"It's okay," I said simply, while I turned her hand into mine and transferred the glass.

"But I didn't want to break it.  My hand slipped."

Our old kitchen was gleaming; as good as it was going to get, anyway.

She was so sad ~ the candle vase that broke came from my Grandpa and Grandma's house.  It is the only thing that I received when they both were gone.  There was no real estate.  My mother, their daughter, brought home some worn dishtowels and a couple of pots and pans and that was it.  Mom wanted me to have something, so gave me the candle vase.

It was sea-blue, thick glass, shaped like a tulip.  Nestled in an antique black twining metal of leaves, it has sat on my kitchen window for 22 years.  Blue is my favorite color; I have stared at it often and wondered, "Where did my grandfather get this?  Did he think it was pretty?  Does a farmer born in 1906 think such things?"  Regardless, it has been carefully wrapped and unwrapped and set in every kitchen window of every house where I have lived.

And today?  I swept it casually into the trash and asked my daughter to please, don't cry.

It's simple:

It's a thing.  Just a thing.

It was lovely.  I enjoyed it.  But it's a thing.  It's not worth my daughter's upset, not deserving of her dismay.

She couldn't quite believe me, was angry at herself and wanted to berate herself long past my request to "please don't cry."

Emily, darling, I got over "things" long ago.  Things don't reveal true worth.

With nine children, my nice things broke one by one years ago.  I confess that I was angry with the first broken "pretty," dismayed at the second, grieving at the third, resigned at the fourth, and so on.  And then, I just got over it.

(And this is not to say that  we shouldn't teach children to be careful, particularly with treasures which belong to other people.  We should.  My husband likes us to use glass cups, even for the little ones, for this very reason.  He sees clean up of glass and the potential mess as educational - it teaches them to be careful.  But children are children and are going to break things, regardless.  *I* still break plenty of things.)

I have almost nothing original from my wedding.   No china, no casserole dishes, no trinkets from the bridal shower.   I have gone thru two lovely gold and diamond rings that could not hold up thru cloth diapers and the cooking, cleaning, gardening and laundry that comes with raising a large family.

Right now, I wear a $6 dollar sterling silver ring in place of a wedding band.  It suits me just fine - it should, I picked it out.

And I'm just as much married, just as much in love - no, MORE in love - with my husband than the day we were married.

And Emmie?  I have so much more of Grandpa than that candle vase.  I have memories of him in my heart.  These are secure, as long as I remember, and that is where they really matter.  I remember he always kept gum for me, always had lemon drops for us in the red pedestal vase on his bedroom dresser.  I remember his work suits hanging in his closet, the way his Vicks vapo-rub smelled when I hugged him in his recliner.  I remember that he took me with him to deliver water to the country people with cisterns and how he'd buy me a "sodie pop."  I remember the day when I was around eleven years old and he lost his balance and fell face down in the dirt.  One of his old buddies said to me, "Help him up, girl.  Help your Grandpa up.  He falls down because he had Polio as a boy.  His legs still freeze up."

I wondered why I never knew that, but I certainly never forgot that day nor forgot how much comfort and security my Grandpa gave to my life.  The vase - a thing - was pretty, but gave nothing.

Things are never more important than the people who use them, or even the people who enjoy them.  Things have zero eternal value.  Things come, things go.  Let them go, lightly.

You, and I, and the rest of us here at home - our lives together and the memories we create - these remain for as long as one of us remembers.

Come with me on a trip to Amish country - part 1

Every other month or so, my mama and I take a drive over to Amish land.  I thought I might document the journey.  It's not very pretty at this time of year; the fields that usually wave green or gold lie mostly fallow and the trees are desolate.  Next time, maybe I'll remember my camera in the spring.

We start out early.  I am in Indiana.  Our small town sits on a bluff overlooking the Ohio River. Once we leave town, we wind thru field and forest until we come to another couple of rivers we must cross:  first, the Wabash, which lands us in Illinois, and then, the Little Wabash.  Both of these rivers were swollen destructively this Spring.  Many homes were ruined, little towns nearly went under.

I have a couple of tag-alongs today, Mariam and Julia.  They are bundled against the cold; but they come for the cheap candy.  We will stop to pick up Grandma in Illinois.

Aside from the rivers, the landscape is flat.  This is mostly farming territory - well, that and oil wells, and coal mines.  The rivers are vital shipping routes for both fuel and food.  This area is also rich in Native American history.  There are several large Indian Mounds and archeological sites in our location, plus many which have never been excavated.

After driving for about 45 minutes, I come to the Shawnee National Forest.  It, too, is drab in winter, but it is full of life.  I almost always see wild turkeys, perhaps a bobcat, and of course, herds of deer.  I find that I can't show good perspective with my camera from this angle.  In reality, my van was headed down a very steep hill, and the road ahead is a steady climb upward.  It always makes the kids in the back squeal with delight.  Fifteen minutes on this road, and then we hit gravel or dirt for the rest of the way.  In over two hours of driving, I will cross three rivers and thru three states, yet never go thru a town of more than 400 people.

This photo is looking down over a wide and sweeping valley.  The road I take is part gravel, part dirt; it rides the rim of an extinct volcano.  The rim is hilly and rugged, forested.  The inner portion, mostly plains and used for keeping livestock.  The soil is too rocky to grow much more than hay.

It's about 7:30 now.  I'll be at the farm in less than 10 minutes.  I'm running right on time, mom should be expecting me.  I'm guessing she'll bring sandwiches for lunch and maybe a bag of popcorn.  We like to go to the Amish stores in Kentucky, because they have a store of discontinued items and also a bulk foods store.  I can buy 25 lb. bags of oats and a gallon of coconut oil, home-made cheddar cheese and bacon.  We stock up when we go - enough to last several months if need be.

It takes awhile to learn to drive these backroads.  I could never remember if it was "right at the Y" and "left at the T," or the other way around.  You'll notice there are no street signs.  :)

This is what we call the "ridge road."  A few people live up there.  It has recently been cleared, after being blocked for the better part of a year following an ice storm.  My vehicle would never make it all the way to the top, it would require a four-wheel drive.  An ATV would be better, as the road gets skinny. 

Almost there.  Mom is waiting, Dad is picking out pecans at the kitchen table by the light of one tiny lamp.  The wood smoke smells wonderful in the crisp country air, the cabin is a deep comforting warm.  When we return, Dad will still be picking out pecans to give to us kids for Christmas.  He always makes sure that I have a gallon or so picked out before Christmas, so that I can do my "Christmas baking."

There's still frost on the ground, and a light glazing of ice on the pond.

First, a quick stop at Grandpa's outhouse.  Does anyone recognize what these stepping stones are?

(Old combine disks.  I've been tripping over them barefoot for thirty years.  Freezing cold on a cool morning, searing to tender toes in the heat - but better than the sharp rocks that surround them any day.)

We wash hands (you were wondering that, weren't you?,) collect Grandma (yes, to the sandwiches and popcorn,) wave goodbye to Grandpa and we're off.

Off thru more woods, past the long-horn cattle and across a few streams, thru a little town, until we come to the ferry that will take us across the Ohio River.

As you can see, the town is heavily decorated for Christmas.

The ferry is on the other side of the Ohio.  It will be a 15 or 20 minute wait.

The river is high today, higher than I've ever crossed it before.  (But not higher than it's ever been, not by a long shot.)  Usually, there is a large parking lot, and the ramp is out by the trees.  I actually have to drive thru water when I drive off the ramp on the other side.

I'm at the front of the ferry.  There's just one other vehicle on with me today - a semi truck.  That's better than being positioned in between two huge trucks carrying logs.  That always makes me uncomfortable.

The river is choppy today - the ferry keeps getting pulled into the current.  I always admire the captain and his skill; but think what a boring job it must be to make the same trek, back and forth, back and forth - all day long.

 

We're halfway to Kentucky now, looking back at the limestone cliffs.  You can't see it very well, but tucked into one crevasse there is a large cave.  It was used originally as an Indian dwelling, then as a pirate's cave.  River pirates would lure steamboats in with music and booze, then rob the passengers.  In later years, it was used as a location for making bootleg whiskey, and even as a gangster hideout in the 1930s and 40s.  The cave and the river have a sometimes wild history.   That always makes for a fun fieldtrip, especially with little boys.

This is looking East down the river.  And this is where the battery of my camera died.  :)

Next time, I'll take you the rest of the way.

We returned home by 2 p.m.,  loaded with bounty ~

happy to be back and thankful for a good day completed.

Raising Confident Boys - Day 7

Josiah the knight and Sam the dragon - several years ago now.

*Discussion questions from the book "Raising Confident Boys" by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer.



I was thinking that perhaps I should explain why I chose this topic.  Mostly?  It's because I have six sons.  At times I am sure that I know boys very well - at others they are a complete mystery to me.  Some boys have no problem with confidence.  Others do.  Still others have what I would call "situational confidence."  By that, I mean that they may be confident within their own family structure - but they need confidence in other settings (peer, church, work, to name a few.)  I say it so much you are likely getting sick of it - but boys are individuals (as are all people!)  I have had confident boys, I have had "not-so-confident boys."  I do desire to raise confident sons; men who have been loved and secure as children - who will turn around and provide love, confidence and security to their own families some day.  Healthily confident (but specifically not arrogant) sons matter to me, as do healthily confident daughters.  I will likely do a series on girls in the new year.  (And please don't count how many times I use the word confident.  :)  )


Today's topic is:



Manage choices.

From the book:

"In larger families, meeting everyone's whims and wishes is usually impossible.  It isn't good for children or for parents, either.  Too much choice can undermine a boy's sense of self:  If he never makes true choices, he won't discover what he really likes best.  He can also become confused and unhappy if he has too many choices about too many things, because he won't feel that his parents are in charge and family rules will be blurred.


Too much choice can easily lead to arguments, since he won't realize when his demands go too far.  In addition, it allows him to control and manipulate situations; it doesn't prepare him to cope with disappointment; it may encourage him to become selfish and insensitive to other people's needs.


To help a boy strengthen and deepen his self-confidence, the choices available to him must be both limited and managed.


*managed choice means either/or decisions.  You put limits on the choices, having already decided what you are happy to agree to.


*avoid open-ended choices.  For example, on a cold day, it's better to say, "Would you like to wear your jeans or your sweats today?" in case he chooses shorts.  And don't offer more than three choices for breakfast.


*Make sure the choices you offer are realistic.


*Boys should not normally be in charge of how the whole family spends its time.


*Choice is motivating:  Boys who are given some choice about what they do and how they do it are often more committed to their work.


*Offer choice within project work - not too much or it becomes too hard to start, but enough to foster individuality."  (pages 40-41.)

Holly's note:  I specifically liked this tip for the primary and elementary years.  As boys become older, I feel that they need to begin taking more and more responsibility for themselves, for their future decisions, to gain ownership and responsibility.  To me, that doesn't mean making decisions for the whole family, necessarily, but for themselves.  Teaching these things at a younger age helps boys to gain practice at decision making, but limits it enough that they aren't overwhelmed.  It also helps them to think of their decisions/choices:  Who am I, what do I like?  How do my choices affect those around me?   These are important skills for future husbands and fathers.

Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6

Late nights

The contents of my button box.  My little ones love to play with the buttons - sorting, choosing their favorites.  I remember doing the same thing with my mother's button box.  Good memories.  :)

So much "last-minute-gift-making" going on around here; so little I can show. (Too many little eyes....)

Dolly dresses, hand-made felt ornaments, special things made for special individuals - according to their likes and specific tastes. (I'll try to show you after Christmas.)  Nine children, ages 19 thru 14 months.  Can you imagine the FUN, the SECRETS, the ANTICIPATION? 

I'm up way too late most nights, sewing away after everyone else is in bed. I'll crash and burn and turn in early every few nights - but otherwise I am visiting 1 or 2 or even 3 a.m.  It is all worth it to me. It's not about material things, it's not a mad and ugly selfish rush, it's about reflecting the Savior's love for us and exemplifying that love to give good things to those who share our house. Yes, we live and love and serve each other every day - with Jesus as our great example - but we enjoy tradition and creating family memories at Christmas time too. We try to be clear with our children that the reason we give is because God gave; and the reason we love is because God first loved us. Love begins here, hearts are filled first at home, and from there it is poured out beyond the walls of our house.

Sometimes I have to rethink and revise my lists down, same as Soulemama and perhaps, same as you as well.  A little less effort here, a little more there; but always focusing on intentionality and on each person and on what means the most to each heart.

I'm pretty sure, though, that I'll never regret these busy nights, secretly making things (and memories) for my favorite people in the world.

Someone is going to be SO upset....