Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Something good is coming...
He's taken to worrying that he might not have presents. He can't relax and trust that there is something good going on behind the scenes.
I've never missed a single one of his birthdays; he's never lacked a cake nor gifts, for that matter. Even in the toughest of times, there would be something. Last year, it was a cheeky little monkey, hand-sewn and redone several times to his specifications. The eyes are glass and look like real and the tail was crocheted into a curl, just for him - just to let him know how special he is and how unique and how beloved. And yet - he can't seem to find peace that we are working for his good, that we have his best in mind, that we won't let him down.
He almost seems to feel the need to do it himself - as if he is responsible to provide it all, as if how it all turns out rests upon his scrawny thirty-five pound frame.
I analyze this and realize this anxiety is genetic. He gets this from me, not from his father. His father snores lightly at night while I wake to wrestle with the "what if" and the "how should we" and the "we can'ts."
Sam will be fine. This will work out and he will be reassured when the day comes. He will remember that he is loved, that he is never forgotten. He can relax - the ones who gave him life won't fail him. It is not up to him to make the future celebration happen.
I think there's not much difference between a seven year old and me, and the rest of us who are called children of God. Sometimes slowly, day upon day, sometimes quickly, in great leaps and bounds, God's faithfulness is proven and we learn...
There is something good coming.
That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." I Corinthians 2:9 NLT