I'm fairly fond of my sweet tooth; I like to feed it regularly.
I gave my sweet tooth to Jesus, though,
gave it right away for Lent.
I've never observed Lent before,
except to partake of the Paczki the day before it begins.
I'm not a heathen, exactly,
it's just that my faith background did not include Lent.
I was always secretly relieved
to be an unobservant evangelical.
This year, I have read more and studied more, and I desired to connect myself more deeply with a Christian observance which is meant to draw me closer to Christ; to allow me to repent, to savor, to express gratitude, to think about Him
and worship Him when I feel the pangs of wanting what I want.
I have friends from other religions
who are very observant of fasts and special prayer times.
Frankly, I'm kind of embarrassed that I've never
been serious enough about this Faith
I think I hold so dear - to deny myself much of anything.
I'm only two weeks into the forty day experience, and I'm not very good about sticking with things;
but I'm going to hang with this small deprivation.
I have learned a few things about sugar, namely, that I have used it in various emotional ways in my life. Sometimes it soothes me (the equivalent of an emotional pacifier.) Sometimes it is a reward at the end of the day (for surviving nine kids.)
But surprisingly, sugar is something I have used to fulfill me, to make the meal seem complete. Without sugar, I feel craving - something is just not right. I don't feel addicted,
but just that something is missing.
When I feel the hunger for something sweet, I have been able to offer that "wanting" to God.
I am tempted to want to fill it with something else, to replace it with a "fake" sweetener. But I don't. I don't want to replace the hunger for God with something empty. Instead,
I lift it up, and say,
"this hunger is for You,"
"I find my fulfillment in You."
At those times, I am reminded to pray for those in need,
for those I've promised to pray for.
It's a very trivial denial,
but it serves its purpose.
It draws me into the life of Christ,
reminds me of His suffering and
the LIFE He came to give.
And in those times,
I know it in my own spirit:
(The pictures are from Gabe's first bites of solid foods at 5 and a half months. It's a thin sauce I made from cooked pears - and he thought it was okay. I don't usually begin solids for babies until a little bit later, but he has been very interested in our food and utensils so we gave it a try.)