Progress

I have a great update for you. 

(Isn't it good to hear that someone has GOOD NEWS?) 

Well, since I last wrote here, my husband has been making steady ('tho slow) progress.  He's a little bit better every day...stronger, less sore, more mobile.

We saw the surgeon Friday. Things look good; the surgeon is pleased.  He examined Jeff and said, "You were a very sick boy, you know. Very sick." He looked at me and said, "He was SEPTIC, you know. We were just a day or so away from losing him..." I buried my head in my lap and said, "I know. I know. I know!" And I DO know, and I knew that at the time, no matter what anyone was telling me, no matter how much I tried to "think happy thoughts." The surgeon's re-iteration just knocked the breath right out of me with the "what-ifs." I did not visit those "what-ifs" at the time Jeff was so ill, although I did know what we were up against.  It is now, in retrospect, that I've been picturing how very, very different my life could be right now.  Thankfulness doesn't even begin to describe how I feel!

A second surgery will take place in July, to remove a strand of antibiotic-releasing cement beads. Also, prior to that, needle aspiration of the joint fluid to test for eradication of infection. After surgery, there will be a second hospitalization and heal time of 2 - 3 weeks. That extends out of work time thru the middle of July.  (We didn't know how extensive the second surgery/heal time would be until this week.)

We have been surrounded and supported by loving arms and prayers and help like I have truly never witnessed nor experienced before. I MUST and I WANT to thank you each for that. Those of you who have helped out KNOW who you are and KNOW your gift of love to us, you know the prayers that you have prayed - and we pray that you will feel the love of God in return and that God's spirit will give you peace in your own hearts. In many ways, we find ourselves realizing that God's ways and how He interacts with humans is a bigger mystery than ever.

In some ways, I don't feel that my own faith has been so strong through this ordeal.  It is kind of difficult to explain.  It has not been absent, it has always been foundational and still solid beneath my feet.  In some ways, though, it felt as though that's where it stayed...beneath where I stood.  Faith didn't easily rise to my heart.  I felt a great disconnect, did not feel that I had any right to demand or expect a certain outcome from God.  I believed that He was in charge no matter what the ending, after all, He is our God in life and in death.  I felt, perhaps, a little bit wounded too, after the year we have had.  (If I am being honest, the last decade felt difficult.)  I still trusted Him - but I did not necessarily trust that this process would be painless.  And it wasn't painless, but it certainly is better (for me, for the kids, for him, for us) than it could have been! 

What I learned is this, and I mean what I say.  I'm not saying nice things to make people feel good.  :)  What I learned and felt for the first time ever is this:  When our faith is not strong, it is the prayers and arms of other believers and people who care who truly hold us up and support us.  Other people serve as the literal hands, arms, feet, and heart of the God who LOVES and the God who CARES.  (And I want to remind you that He feels this way about YOU too.  Yes, YOU! )  We can read it a thousand times over the course of our lives, but until we experience it first hand, it won't carry the same magnitude.  Thank you, each one of you, for lifting us up when we were too weary to walk on in faith.

We don't feel that we have Him figured out (at all!) Yet, we can say with confidence that He is WITH us. In our life, and in the Resurrection, He is our hope and the very foundation of our being.


Thank you, again, for praying.  Thank you too, for your cards and your gifts which have been sent with the message of God's love to our hearts.  We received the message.  :)